Friday, May 23, 2014

The Dingo May Be Dead

So this year, I'm pretty consistent with my blogging, although completely unintentional, I've written a blog about every two months. So this semester has been the busiest semester of pretty much my whole life! The last few years at school I've taken on more responsibilities and it has been more of a blessing than I could have ever imagined! I am close to wrapping up my 5th year at a job that I took, really out of desperation. I moved back to Amarillo in 2009 with no job or prospective job and after a few interviews with Holy Cross and a job offer in Late July, I was willing to take a large paycut to ensure employment of some kind! Little did I know that job would have the effect on me that it has had! Many of my coworkers have become my closest friends and I know that no matter what the future holds, we will remain friends for many years. The students, although still "typical teenagers" interact with each other in a way that resembles that of a family rather than a school. 
Enough about my school though, I could talk about how awesome HCCA is for a VERY long time. But that is not the purpose of this blog. :) 
I have to say that one of the BIGGEST, most unexpected blessings that I've "uncovered" in my time at Holy Cross is that of my relationship status, or lack there of technically. :) My thoughts, opinions and feelings on that of my "future husband" have varied over the last 29 years of my life! However, at this stage of my life, I am quite certain that his absence at this time has allowed me to experience more than I once dreamed of as a teenager. I was talking to a class early this week and told a few girls "No boyfriend until you graduate!" One of the boys said, "and you still don't have one!" We laughed about it, but then I said, "What good would that do me right now to have one? I have been so busy, I would never see him and we would have just fought about how I never see him." Which is so true! That's one of the BEST parts of my life right now, I'm able to participate in many things relatively guilt free because I'm not "leaving anyone behind." I have been able to explore my options and commit to MANY awesome (and stressful) projects! Which brings me to a complaint I have about other people's reaction to my relationship status. Let me just preface this by making a statement: I am human. As awesome as I've just said things are, I get lonely every once in a while. I am CERTAIN that I'm not alone in my loneliness. In fact, there may be people surrounded by their family reading this blog who feel lonely right now. Loneliness is not aimed at the single people in the world, it is a human characteristic. A few times, while commiserating about said loneliness, a friend (or two) as replied, "Don't worry. Your time will come!" I have to first admit that I believe that I have probably been guilty of saying this a few times, but now I regret it. My response to that, "Why can't my time be now? Why does 'My time' depend on someone else in my life?" Frankly, I'm frustrated! This is not the 1800s anymore! While discussing my future plans with someone during this semester, I was asked about my "plans for marriage," they may have even said "goal of marriage" but I don't think that's something I should wait on or plan on happening! It's not a box on a to do list that you just check off! Now, you may be thinking "Well, this has certainly been written by a bitter old spinster." And I just have to say, "Rude!" Hahaha. No, but really, I have never felt more gratitude for the opportunities that have been placed in my life. I used to say that I was glad to be single, and I just think it took me a while to actually mean it. 
I just have one more thing to add to this: I don't think any of this would be true if it weren't for the AMAZING friends that I have, many of them I'm not even able to see on a regular basis! So thank you friends!  I hope that I have brought you at least half as much happiness as you have brought me!

1 comment:

  1. As successful, unwed teachers, you and I have had a wonderful opportunity to demonstrate to all our students that success and contentment in life is not dependent on a changed Facebook status. We are complete human beings just as we are. It's especially sad and frustrating seeing the double standard for men and women at work. There isn't a real male equivalent of "spinster;" that insult is targeted at a specifically female audience.

    As a young, independent, professional, and successful woman, you especially demonstrate that women are not defined by their relationship to a man, nor by how many children they can have. Worth runs deeper than that. I think that is one of the best models the girls at HCCA can have!

    I have long agreed with Rainer Maria Rilke, who wrote one of my favorite books, "Letters to a Young Poet," that love is what happens between two people in their own solitudes. No matter how people try, there are parts of ourselves we can never explain to someone else, and we should embrace our solitudes. At our deepest, words cannot express what it feels like to be who we are. It's a beautiful and ennobling truth, but it means that no matter how hard we try, there is a part of us that no relationship or parter can fully understand. Anyone who requires another human being to complete them is doomed to dissatisfaction. Total reliance on imperfect human beings for meaning is not healthy ground for anything, and proof lies in the fact that the couples who thrive are the ones who maintain their individuality throughout their lives.

    Life is bigger than coupling up, and relationship is a small part of a much larger world. It's a shame kids and a lot of adults forget to live their own lives, because so many people miss out on the chance to enrich their lives--ironically, filling a life with joy and adventure that for many people is one of the big attractions in finding a life partner.

    Don't let anyone feed you, whether it be blatant or in more subtle ways, the old lie that your time and energy should be spent looking for "the one." Among the +7 billion people on earth, there is a long list for you personally of great potential companions on the road of life, but travel buddies aren't a prerequisite for having a great journey!

    You don't need me to say it to you, but keep on rockin' life the way you already are, Liz! :D