Friday, February 13, 2015

Not that kind

Hello! I have been wanting to share some thoughts with the blogosphere for a few weeks, but this is the first time I've found a spare moment to actually sit down and do it. So I hope my words come out like I want them to. Sometimes I get an idea and the thought passes after a while, but I feel like this one is kind of a big deal. Haha. Like me. ;) 
Before I jump right into things, let me first say that I'm sorry if I haven't responded to you as quickly as I usually do when it comes to any type of communication. I'm glad I've eased into school by taking just one class the last two semesters. Taking two along with my "semi usual" Spring activities is already a little mad. I say semi usual because for the first time in two years, I'm not hosting any kind of tournament. I am taking my middle school kids down to Lubbock next weekend for their district tournament and then the high school gets to spend a week in Waco after Spring Break basically for all of their stuff. So "work" wise things aren't as busy for me, but I can not say the same for pretty much every other area of my life. Luckily tonight was the end of basketball, so some time will get added to my evenings for homework. :) Now onto the rest of the story. :) 
So, first of all let me say that while at times I thought that being such an over thinker was detrimental to some areas of my life, getting older I no longer believe that. I'm able to reflect and think about how I got where I am in life, what I could be learning from where I am and too many other things to list. My weekly adoration visits the last two years has certainly encouraged this tradition of thinking. So I've written a few times about the idea of love and marriage and "finding someone" and I realized something, well actually I don't really know when I realized it, one day the thought was just sort of in my head. But I realized that I don't want to get married. I used to always get frustrated talking with my friends growing up as they fantasized about their wedding day, that's not something I've ever even thought of doing. There's no secret board on Pinterest full of ideas for my "someday wedding."  I've also never, ever been the dating girl. I've always wanted to help kids, but i don't have to have the kids in order to help them right? Anyways, this was inspired when someone made the following comment about me during a random conversation, "Yeah, she's definitely not a mom, she doesn't even have a cat." And I just got irritated, I feel like there are some people out there, many of whom are reading this, that feel like the things I'm doing are simply to pass time until I find a husband. That my life isn't starting yet because I'm not married. And to these people I say, have you not noticed that it is not the 1850s?? As a person, I'm able to make decisions and choices about my life basically on my own. Why is it necessary to get married for your life to start? Here's an analogy I came up with, you know how I love those! I sometimes feel like people are constantly telling me to buy a car and telling me which kind of car I should get. Even if I'm not looking to get a new car, even if there is nothing wrong with my car. Why do other people care what kind of car I drive? Hell, why do they care if I'm even driving any car in the first place? (In case you got lost, in this analogy, the car is just my life, not something in particular. Just a series of choices I've made that make me who I am) I don't know why it is engraved in us that we are supposed to grow up, get married, get a job, have kids and get old and die. Haha. I mean, why do our lives have to look the same? The grow up and die part happens no matter who you are, why not make the rest of it your own? So I guess all I'm saying is be who you are and be happy with who that is, no matter how you choose to go places, bike, car or hot air balloon! Don't let other people's opinion on what they think your life should be affect your opinion of your own life. Think before you judge some ones "car" remember we can't all drive a Cadillac!  It's taken me a long time to learn all of this. Lots of tears, a few bad dates, lots of great conversations with fabulous friends, tons of big dreams and plans for how I want my life to be. I mean, for the first time, maybe in a long time- if not first time ever- I am making plans and looking at multiple options for my future. It's exciting and wonderful and crazy hard, but I'm really glad you're a part of it! Happy Valentine's Day! 

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